


How Far Is Too Far

by DisneyPrincess



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bromance, Incest, M/M, Sad, consentual, sadder than I planned, sorry but im not sorry, this shit is depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 18:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisneyPrincess/pseuds/DisneyPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How long can John watch Dave do that to himself before he can't take anymore? He can either speak up or walk away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Far Is Too Far

==> Be John

John Egbert was known, by only himself, as a PRANKING MASTER. This would naturally cause problems at times but no one could stay mad at John. Not with his goofy teeth and naive nature. Dave was another story entirely. John had seen it before a million times. Dave's self destructive tendencies, that is. It had caused Rose to stop psycho analyzing him because he was so deep in denial that it was destroying their friendship. It had caused Jade to break up with him. Now he was doing it again. 

Dave had so many self sabotaging habits that it was a rare thing when he wasn't unknowingly hurting himself. This was a new low even for him though. Dave had never done anything this dangerous or stupid before and John was wondering if 17 years of friendship was enough to keep him around. He didn't think so. Being a best friend was becoming too much for him and he'd been spending more and more time staring at the delete button on his chumhandle. 

John sighed and shoved himself out of his desk chair. He wouldn't do it today but he was afraid he would very soon.

 

==> Be Dave 

Dave Strider lay on his bed and stared at the box fan perched precariously on his window sil. The spinning blades held his eyes captive and it was almost enough to keep him from thinking about how bad he'd fucking everything up. How much he was willing to fuck everything up just to feel good for a second. His friends thought he was oblivious to what he was doing but he knew. Dave was entirely to blame for what he'd done. What he continued to do.

Even at that moment he was waiting until the time on his computer screen read 12:00. He almost dreaded it, starting the vicious cycle again. But once it started he could claim it was out of his hands. He could turn off his mind. Dave finally glanced at his screen and let out the breath he'd been holding. 12:06. He rolled out of his bed and poked his head out into the hallway where he could see the door. 

It only took a second for his older brother to walk in and place his keys on the counter. It only took one noise from Dave for his older brother to turn around. It only took one nod for Bro's shoulders to sag. He reluctantly moved towards Dave's room. Less reluctant every time.

 

==> Be Bro

 

Bro hesitated at the door. Everyday he seemed to take longer to convince himself to enter his apartment. It had become like hell to him. A place where he did these awful things and felt nothing. No, that was a lie. He felt guilt. Insurmountable guilt. He didn't hate his little brother but he hated what Dave made him do and he hated himself the most. It was sick. But he kept doing it. 

That guilt had become so much a part of him, had thrived for so long that he would do anything to get rid of it. Even do what ever his little bro asked of him. Dave had been raised by a brother only ten years older than him for his whole life and he'd been robbed of so many things. Bro just couldn't be everything Dave needed and he was sure he'd caused Dave more pain than he would ever admit. It killed Bro almost as much as opening that door did.

He didn't look down the hall in hopes that today would be the day that Dave would be done with this sick habit. Dave cleared his throat and Bro knew this wouldn't be over anytime soon. Dave's face was completely blank, he learned from the best. Bro felt a pang in his chest. That was all he'd taught his little brother.

Without hesitating too much, Bro followed Dave back into his room and prayed to God that he would be forgiven. His prayers had been growing shorter and more desperate by the day.

 

==> Be John

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB:this needs to stop.  
EB:today

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

 

==> Be Dave

Dave let his eyes fall shut as he sat down on the edge and shoved his camera off the bed. He couldn't bring himself to care. Bro was attached to his neck, sucking and nibbling like he'd done a hundred times before. But he also stayed standing, leaning over Dave, waiting for his little bro to make the move. Bro always waited for Dave to make the first move. It didn't help the loneliness that spread through Dave's chest. He knew it was irrational but he couldn't help but wonder what he could do to make someone want him. Even his brother needed to be tugged in the right direction.

With a heavy sigh, Dave pushed himself back onto the bed and pulled Bro onto him. The weight was comforting and helped him sink into the feeling of Bro's fingers in his hair. Dave had learned that the faster they got it over with, the sooner afterwards Bro could look him in the eye. With this in mind, he made quick work of their belts and their pants were soon around their ankles. Their boxers followed.

As an unspoken rule, their sunglasses always stayed on.

 

==> Be Bro

 

Bro always thought that he hated himself, but after fucking Dave, his self loathing always reached new heights. After they both came, he slipped on his boxers without a word and flash stepped out of there and into the shower. It was easier to feel things in the shower. The water washed away the evidence, the steam hid his face, the sound of the water hitting the tile floor hid his sobs. It was a haven that didn't make him confront what he'd done. He could just let his mask slip off for 20 minutes and feel the pain before he had to lock it back up and put on his glasses.

When he'd purged himself of his tears, he made a sandwich and headed to his room. Dave was no where to be found. He hated how much he'd fucked everything up so royally. After the first time it had happened, Bro tried to talk to Dave about it. But it turned out Bro had taught Dave more things than he'd though. Dave had 17 years of bottled up emotions that were buried too deep to ever see the light of day again. Bro had never taught him to keep them inside but he'd never asked about Dave's feelings or offered his own and he realized it was one more way he'd let Dave down.

He collapsed into his bed and curled up on his side, back to the door. It was hardest at night. Inches from his face was his bedside table. His cell phone lay on it blinking furiously. He flipped it open and read the memo he'd set for himself. With a grim smile he set the phone back and burrowed under the cover. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten.

 

==> Be John

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

TG:shit  
TG:i can't

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

 

==> Be Dave

 

It was in the silence after Bro vanished that Dave truly felt the worst. He felt hollow as he lay stretched out naked on his bed. His body that had been on fire moments ago when Bro was trailing kisses down it, now was covered in goosebumps and a shiver ran up his spine. It was still July and he was still in Texas, but he was freezing, and he knew it would only fade after a restless night.

He considered pestering John again, but all his best friend wanted to talk about was Dave's unhealthy habits. Dave could have told him how he was feeling, but he was tired of being ironic. It was just too much. And he didn't want to be real with John, that wasn't cool. If nothing else, he had to stay composed. Stay Dave.

He couldn't afford to have an identity crisis on top of everything else. He was the cool kid. Nothing else.

 

==> Be Bro

 

He'd forgotten his own birthday.

 

==> Be John

 

John sat down in front of his computer and opened up his pesterchum account and stared at the most recent message. Dave made it very clear where he stood. John admitted to himself that Dave probably needed him now more then ever but he wasn't strong enough to hang around and watch Dave until he came to his senses. It was heart breaking.

Before he could change his mind, John deleted his account. He'd already gotten Rose and Jade's phone numbers. He was too old for pesterchum anyways. He would be going to college next year. He needed to move on. As much as it hurt to think it, he wanted to live without a weight on his shoulders. Without Dave to look after. He would need to look after himself from now on.

 

==> Be Dave

 

17 years was a long time. Dave was proud he made it that far. He'd never thought his life would end so soon but Dave honestly couldn't imagine it lasting any longer. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. He nodded to himself and rooted through his pile of shitty swords, looking for the least shitty one he could find. He didn't want to leave his Bro a mess to clean up but he couldn't think of an easier way to do it.

Sitting cross legged in the center of his room, Dave ran the blade of his sword across his wrist as hard as he could manage. It was actually liberating to see the red gush out. He's always had control of everything in his life, but now, it was out of his hands. As his limbs started to lose feeling, he saw that his pesterchum was blinking. There was a notification. He though It was probably John.

Dave wished he would have thought to say goodbye. He wanted John to know how much he had appreciated their friendship over the years. John had always helped him through everything and had never abandoned him. Dave smiled, just a little, as everything went black.

 

==> Be Bro

 

Bro was a whiny little bitch before. He hadn't known pain at all. He hadn't known what it was to hurt until he walked into that room. Until he saw the carpet that used to be white, the body that used to be his brother. Bro had never planned a funeral service before and he never wanted to do it again. He never wanted to do anything again. He had every intention of killing himself but after talking to Dad, he just couldn't do it. But he couldn't just live with himself after what he'd done and what he'd caused. He should have been in jail because he murdered his brother.

John didn't show up to the funeral, Bro couldn't get a hold of him. Or Jade. Or Rose. He figured it was for the best. They didn't need that kind of pain so early in their lives. It was just him, three old friends and a priest. It rained through the whole thing and Bro was the first one to leave. He nearly drank himself into a coma that night. Then again the next night. Then again and again.

There was nothing better to do.

 

==> Be John

 

John stepped out into the sun and smiled up at it's warmth. It was almost never sunny but it was a spectacular day in washington when John headed out to see Rose and Jade. They'd flown in for the weekend to hand out and hie needed to pick them up at the airport. He felt a pang knowing Dave wouldn't be waiting with them but he banished the thought. Dave was fine at home. He had his brother and his puppets and his sick beats.

He would be fine.


End file.
